Divorce and Remarriage
Can I ever get married again?
Jesus said “but I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery…”
“Then Joseph her husband, being a just man and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privately.” Matthew 1:19
“And as it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of Man. They did eat, they drank, they married wives, they were given in marriage.” Luke 17:26
“But as the days of Noah were so shall the coming of the Son of Man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered into the ark.” Matthew 24:37
“Jesus saith unto them, “Moses because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery:” Matthew 19:8 & 9
People don’t understand the influence that divorce has on the younger generations. Young people think that they can get married and if things don’t “workout”, they’ll just get a divorce and find someone else. Young people are affected by the trends of the world. The percentage of divorce in the Jewish community is very small. They are still looking for the Messiah (Christ) to come and they want to be found faithful to His commands, when He comes. “Occupy till I come!”
The majority of people think that divorce is ok for many reasons. You name it and it’s grounds for divorce. But, let’s look at what the Bible says.
Joseph had proper grounds for putting away (divorcing) Mary according to what our Lord said in Matthew 5:32. For Mary to be carrying a baby, she had to have committed fornication was the people’s opinion.
WHAT IS FORNICATION?
THE EASTERN HEMISPHERE
To understand what makes a divorce ok, we have to understand the Eastern mindset, not the Western. During the days of Jesus, a young couple fell in love, wanted to get married, but had to make the proper preparation for marriage.
THE MALE fiancé had to build a house, with his family’s and friend’s help, before he was ready to get married. He had to make the proper financial preparations to give his new bride the security that she had with her daddy! He had to pay the dowry that the bride’s parents required for their daughter.
THE FEMALE fiancé had to build her dowry of dishes, clothes, money and whatever else she would need for one year. Her wedding party would help her, with her family, to make sure that she lacked nothing for the first year. This was her “hope chest”.
The couple was to have made plans for that first year, so that they could spend that time getting to know each other. They were not supposed to work for the first year of marriage.
This year of the engagement was to be spent preparing for the first year of marriage. Now, this is important! They were considered a married couple during that year of the engagement. If they were unfaithful with someone of the opposite sex during that year of engagement, it was called fornication. Even though they had not been together physically as husband and wife, they could break off the engagement by divorce. The offending partner had committed fornication, the grounds for divorce was fornication. The result was that they were free to marry someone else, if their engagement partner had committed fornication. They could get divorced, then get married to someone else and not be committing adultery. If the offending partner was the girl, she had to return everything to the boy’s family that he had given her. If the offending partner was the boy, he had to forfeit anything he had given. He, also, had to pay the remainder of the dowry that had not been paid.
The penalty for committing adultery was forfeiting a position of authority in the Kingdom of Heaven. They still will be in the Kingdom of Heaven, but not in the “throne room” filling the position that the Lord had reserved for them. They will be sad and weeping for the forfeiting of that position for 1,000 years. If only, I had…!!! Or if only, I had not …!!! They will continually think, weep and regret!understand the seriousness of marriage. It is for real and for keeps! If couples knew that divorce is not an option, they would take more caution before they say “I do”. Divorce has a long-lasting trail of heartache following in its wake.
The heart ache will only have begun when we stand before Jesus at the judgment seat and tell Him that we “couldn’t take it any longer”. Then to hear Him say that we are not qualified for the position He had for us in His kingdom. Now that will be even worse!
When Eve took of the fruit, Adam had no choice, but to sin! He could sin by not “cleaving” to Eve or he could take the fruit and sin! Either way he was sinning by disobeying God. Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin for us, so we could go to heaven. Adam, to set the example of a redeemer, (the first Adam), took of the fruit and cleaved to his wife. I Timothy 2:14.
There are many Christians who have gotten divorced and have not remarried. One of the things that we have to consider is what God commanded Adam in the Garden of Eden to have dominion over the earth. He told Adam what He wanted for the Earth and why He had created them. In Genesis 1:26 & 27, God created Adam and Eve! Eve was created in Adam, his rib. Christians are also a new creation “in Christ”. (I Corinthians 5:17). Adam then repeated what God had already told him! In Genesis 2:23 & 24.
THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE
If you get divorced, in the Western Hemisphere for any reason, after you “know” your spouse in marriage, you are not cleaving to your mate. We are to cleave unto them! This is disobedience to God and a means of temptation to commit adultery for both parties. That is not adultery, unless sexual activity is involved, but it is disobedience.
Adultery is to “know” another when you or the other person is married. Then, if you marry them, you will be living in adultery.
In the Western world, our engagement varies from couple to couple. Fornication does not vary. It is the same, whether you get married, do not get married or if you are just dating as friends or potential partners. It is still fornication to have physical, sexual relations with another person outside of marriage.
Our engagements are different in the Western Hemisphere. We think being engaged as taking a period of time to get to understand (not to “know”) a potential marriage partner. We don’t spend a year of saving for and building a foundation for our future together. If we did, our divorce rate would be very low as the Jewish rate.
Once the engagement was over in the Eastern world, the couple got “married” by consummating it sexually and then nothing was an excuse or reason for divorce. They were to “rejoice with the wife (partner) of thy youth”. Proverbs 5:18.
I happen to believe that there is really no reason for our divorce in the Western world. Engagements can “be off” and they can be engaged or get married to another. Once the marriage is consummated there is no grounds for divorce. The Eastern divorce was allowed on the grounds of fornication in the engagement year only.
It should be top priority for a minister to require pre-marital counseling before he agrees to marry a couple. If they do not want to attend the sessions, it is obvious that they do not know the importance of marriage. They should understand the dangers of divorce before they proceed any further. The minister has the obligation to continue or cancel his participation at any time. The couple must understand that his participation is representing God’s participation.
The minister should be very thorough in each session and make sure that they ask or answer questions about the session. There are several good resources available for premarital counseling.
The last session should be no more than a day or two before the wedding. The reason for the closeness of this session to the wedding is because of the content of this session. There are Christian books that give good direction for the physical union to the couple. A lady in the church could go over the content of the book with the girl. The minister could do the same with the guy. If you are marrying a young couple who has been properly trained at home, they may not be as knowledgeable as a couple that has lived a loose life before becoming a Christian.
The purpose of the counseling sessions is to educate the couple on how to have a compatible and harmonious marriage under all circumstances. These counseling sessions should emphasize the fact that, no matter what comes, divorce is not an option! They are to know that this person they are marrying is the one whom God has selected for them. How do you know that, you ask?
You saturate yourself in God’s word, the Bible. When Jesus said, in St. John 6, “eat my flesh” He was referring to His Word. St. John 1, says that the Word, written Word, “became flesh and dwelt among us”.
The Holy Spirit, who lives in you, will use God’s Word to direct you to the right person. He will also direct your path in all of your life, if you will seek His will. Read God’s word with an expecting heart to hear from Him!
In closing, what about those who have been divorced and are already remarried to someone else!? Well, that’s a good question!
I think that they need to pray that God would forgive them for their disobedience, like any disobedience. Bring it before the Lord and serve Him as well as they can. There will be some limitations, but do the best that you can. remember, saturate yourself in His Word, so the Holy Spirit can guide you!
There will be some consequences, unknown to us, for our disobedience. It may be forfeiting rewards in this life and later in the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever the results, we all need to make sure that we confess all that we can remember. It may be painful, but ask Him to remind us, so we can confess it. He, in His mercy, will “cleanse us from all unrighteousness”, I John 1:9
When He said “it is finished” on the cross, He took care of Our sin nature! A few verses later, when the soldier pierced His side, our daily sins were provided for by that blood. Our home, in Eternal Heaven, was secured when He finished paying for and redeemed our sin nature.
We get dirty every day – that’s why we need to “confess our sins”, so the blood from His side can “forgive us our sins”.
Remember, he loves you, so much!
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